mysterious,thing time, powerful, and when meddled with dangerous :

a lesson that is definately worth learning.

you know everyone has there ups and downs but i never ever realised until it was put bluntly that one small action can lead to dozens of huge mistakes.

hmm think of it like this:

you have a million dominos all lined up in a huge pattern around a room. one gets knocked over. at the time you think oh one knocked over i can just pick it back up again. but no actually what we forgot to state was they are all close to eachother, and by knocking one down it will fall o to the next one, and that one will fall onto the next. and so on and so forth until all the dominoes have fallen over.

what do you do then?

stand the back up again?

or leave them?

tough question i mean if you stand them back up again you could knock them down again...but if you don't try and you just leave them who knows what could have happened?

anyway back to time. now really isn't the right time for me. everything happeneing at once and no one seems to understand or they think they do but they actually have no idea how i am feeling. or when they try i just push them away. time is dangerous. having the right timing for anything is a must...but how do you know when the right time is until after you have advanced and discovered it's the wrong time?

ok so now isn't the right time for me as a person but everything seems to be happening now and i haven't the strength to stop it...so if nows the wrong time when will be the right time?

and i know i should stop thinking about all this other stuff and get on with my exams and revise and do well...but how can i? it's easy for people to turn round and say just do your revision and get your exams out of the way but seriously i can't think of anyone who understands how i am feeling right now and how much i have gone through in the last 2 weeks.

another thing i may have changed and people mnay noot be liking it but it wasn't deliberate and i wasn't aware of it. i do honestly appreciate people telling me that i am messing up big time and whatever but now really isn't the best time. i do just want to revise and get my exams over with and have a fab summer. i do want to be happy. i don't want to loose all of my friends. but right now everything is being thrown at me all at once. i may be a strong person, but i am not that strong, i sound pathetic i know but this is just how i am feeling and this is my blog where i can write how i am feeling. and right now i am feeling weak thats it.

i know now how many of my friends i am about to loose and believe me i don't want to but right now i don't have the strenght to fight back. with everything going on right now i can't prioratise anything. and obviously family comes first right? but by putting all that first it makes me change and ri my self of my emotions in a way that i know all of my friends disaproove of. but then if i put my friends first i am forgetting my family and right now my family is the key thing to me i need to be there for them they need to be there for me. but i don't want to loose my friends. which takes me back to the dominoes. right now do i have the emotional strength to pick up all the dominoes and start again...or do i leave them where they are? i don't want to leave them they are my friends but now isn't the right time for me to be dealing with everything. i don't think it's possible for anything worse to happen right now...aolthough i do know something that oculd...and i just hope it doesn't as that will be it.

ok emotional moment ovr but anyone with any coments advice or whatever please let me know :S

xxx